Are you looking to get recognition and promotion in your career without having to do any hard work? Then you need more respect. You can either earn respect, or take it. But it’s by taking respect that you can become the next alpha male or queen bee, circumventing years of unnecessary effort to become the person everyone else looks up to.
Here is what you need to do:
1. Work your own hours. A regular 8:00 to 17:00 work schedule is for plebs. Choosing your own times, according to your own criteria, is a sure way to show people that you are master of your time, and therefore master of your domain. So come in late, and leave when it suits you.
Give noncommittal answers if ever questioned about your coming and going. Remember, it’s not for others to question you.
2. Never make your own coffee. Always find others to make your coffee for you. They should be grateful for the attention you give them. Feign ignorance of knowing what goes where in the kitchen should someone ever give the mistaken suggestion of you making your own coffee. While on this point, don’t reciprocate the favour and make coffee for anyone else. Ever. This is death to your status of dominance.
3. Don’t respond to your emails. This goes for instant messaging as well. You have more important things to do than to get back to other people’s petty concerns or pander to their needs. If you do reply, do so after a prolonged interval and several reminders. And be sure to give a response that misses the mark and shows you merely gave the original message the briefest of scans.
4. Have “your spot”. Pick out a personal shelf in the fridge, a mug you’re partial to, and a parking space convenient for you. Mark these out as your terrain and make sure everyone knows this to be “your spot”. Guard these spaces. An affront to “your spot” is an affront to you.
5. Be selective of the tasks you do yourself. Not every task that comes your way needs to be actually done by you. Delegate – that’s the essence of leadership. It’s good to have a go-to underling on call for this type of thing. You should ideally rope in an ambitious but naive intern. In other words, someone eager to prove themselves to you, but who won’t question your authority to assign tasks.
6. Choose your own time. Deadlines are of relative, rather than absolute importance. While never jeopardising your company’s income, do make others wait on you to finish your tasks, especially if they need you to finish something before they can finish their own tasks. When you do get to something, let it be known what an immense sacrifice it was on your part.
7. Beware those who fancy themselves go-getters. By adhering to “rules” and “etiquette”, certain individuals may try to show you up. This needs to be nipped in the bud. Undermine these people before they gain any real respect. Gossip is your best weapon here.
If you follow these seven steps, you should be well on your way to success in your career. Your superiors will notice your potential for a top-management position, and those beneath you will simultaneously fear and envy you. You’ll go far.
License: Creative Commons
Queenie Bates is a researcher and writer, currently based in Cape Town, South Africa. Formerly a consolidation loan consultant, she likes to think she could’ve been a queen bee e if she so wanted.